All the crap they tell you about...getting joy and having a kind of wisdom in your golden years - it's all tripe. Woody Allen (1935-)
Prelude
The experts say life has three stages. My E.A. (Executive Assistant) and I as well as most of my friends have entered the Third Stage also known as the Golden Years. This portion of our lives is considered to be the age between 65 and 80 plus years old. Sadly physical, emotional and cognitive limitations start to develop. Bones become thinner and brittle. We may have heart problems. Our brain and nervous system may slow down. We could also see a change in our digestive system. Other geriatric specialists say the real Golden Years are between the ages of 40 and 60 years old. Most folks are physically fit (not yet experiencing any aches or pains) and settled into their lifestyles. They don't think about their sunset years. I feel the age bracket between 18 and 30 were my "Golden Years". That era consisted of a lot of fun and pleasure.
Last November 11 I was sitting at my table (that's where I do all of my writing) looking out the living room window daydreaming. I do that quite often. I was thinking it had been fifty years to that day I took my very first love to the Hamilton High School Football Championship at Ivor Wynn Stadium. It was traditional the championship game be played on Remembrance Day. Fifty years! Fifty fucking years. Absolutely astonishing and more so very hard to believe. That's half a century. On numerous occasions it's difficult to swallow that I'm in my 68'th year. However, it doesn't take long for me to re-enter reality because of all my annoying aches and pains that have visited my body as well as making a permanent residence in my anatomy. Never imagined this would ever happen.
Prior to having an appendectomy in May of 2011 my next traumatic adventure was January 5, 2022...yeah Happy New Year! I injured my back about twenty years ago (I worked a lot of physical jobs) and it came back to haunt me. My back had been bothering me all day so I was popping different pills to eliminate the pain.
At six p.m. I was laying on my bed watching T.V. I had to get up because nature was calling. I let out a loud scream of pain and quickly realized I couldn't stand up. The pain was unbearable and felt like I was paralyzed...extremely frightening. My E.A. phoned 911 and help was on the way...paramedics as well as the fire department arrived within a few moments. They rolled my body onto a backboard then placed me on a gurney and the ambulance transported me to the hospital. On my way to Juravinski a paramedic injected a shot of Hydromorphone into my arm to ease the pain.
As usual the emergency room was very busy. There were at least four ambulances with patients waiting to be seen...I thought lordy lordy Fordy was going to fix that problem. Typical politician. Talk the talk but many times doesn't walk the walk.
During my hospital visit I was given Hydromorphone two more times mixed with my I.V. I didn't see a doctor until 9:00 p.m. and blood work was done on me around 11:00 p.m. I was hoping for a CT scan but no such luck. Probably because I had previously mentioned I was diagnosed with a herniated disc in L4L5 years ago.
Throughout my stay I was stoned but the pain lingered. They discharged me at 1:30 a.m. and I was obviously still bombed. My E.A. drove us to an all-night drug store to purchase more medication prescribed by the emergency room doctor. When we arrived home I immediately went to bed. As soon as my head hit the pillow I was out like a light.
My family doctor returned my call (which I placed on January 5) on January 7. He was a bit confused about my misadventure because of the lack of information from the hospital. Anyway, he made an M.R.I. appointment referral for me...I'm still waiting for that call. Great health care system eh but $1billion for the ridiculous L.R.T. My back pain has decreased but I still continue to suffer pain in the back of my thighs.
Epilogue
I should be more appreciative and grateful I can still walk, talk and act like a jerk at times. A few of my friends have passed away, a long-time buddy uses a walker to get around and another friend has had heart surgery. Almost everyone I know is on some sort of medication. If anyone knows where that Fountain of Youth is located PLEASE LET ME KNOW!
The End
The Harvenut Puritan Project
Puritan will return...who knows, I'll think of something
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