Steeltown Follies
Prelude
I become extremely frustrated (you may say agitated is more defining) by the absence of logic and common sense the government demonstrates, especially at the municipal level. However when bureaucrats discuss one of their favourite and delightful words (tax) they are right on the money, or shall I say, right on our money. Their attitude, or philosophy, is very simple but can also be truly forceful...we want your money and one way or the other we're going to obtain your cash and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. Anyway, the government continually demonstrates a shortage of straight forward rationale and reasoning in making elementary decisions.
Let's talk about signage. The City of Hamilton, Ontario (where I live) has, for some strange and mysterious reason, an obsession for signs. You may recall my rant on Feb. 4/17 titled, "Continuous Failure". I stated our "problem solving" City Hall administrators reached a resolution that larger speed limit signs were needed along Hamilton's Parkway and Expressway to reduce drivers speeding in their vehicles.
The City Hall gang is assuming that bigger signs WILL deter people from driving like fucking lunatics. The new signs haven't decreased drivers lunacy of speeding. I think we all knew that anyway. Now the boys and girls club at City Hall is considering reducing the speed limit signs on the Parkway from 90 to 80 Km/H. First they erect regular size signs, then remove them and install larger signs and now they want to eliminate those signs with lower speed limit signs. Honestly, we have to ask ourselves, do they really know what they're doing?
Nevertheless, they are still adamant about placing jersey barriers along both highways for people's public safety. Go figure. People will still be traveling at 90, 100, 120 and even faster. Some individuals don't obey signs at all, in fact they don't observe, nor even see them in their journeys.
Then we have those repugnant and awful looking street name signs I mentioned in my Aug. 29/15 rant titled "When Will They Ever Learn", Volume One. They are located on Barton Street East, east and westbound at Wellington Street, Victoria Avenue, Wentworth Street and Sherman Avenue. They are six feet long oval shape with black background and the street name coloured in white with a red and yellow trim around the edge of the sign...you can't help but notice them. The city's fixation with signs continued and they erected the same style of street name sign (a smaller version) at every side street from Victoria Avenue to Sherman Avenue.
This is where I become angry and infuriated. The purpose for the manufacturing and installation or simply put, fucking nonsense of these signs was to beautify and attract shoppers to Barton Street. For the bureaucrats who thought of this laughable and extremely outrageous insanity. I think of the song titled, "IF I ONLY HAD A BRAIN" from the 1936 movie, "Wizard Of Oz."
Stardate - July 2017, Planet Earth
Captain Kirk, Mr. Spock and Dr. McCoy (Bones) have beamed down to Barton Street East in Hamilton, Ontario. The purpose of their expedition is to observe and survey Barton Street from Wellington Street to Sherman Avenue and report back to Starfleet Command. They begin their 1.5 kilometer tour.
McCoy - Why the hell were we picked for this mission? There are plenty of landing parties available. Is Starfleet Command punishing us for some unknown reason? Jim, I have a lot of work to do in my lab. Let's make this short and sweet.
Kirk - I don't want to be here either Bones, but orders are orders.
35 minutes later
Kirk - So gentlemen, what do you think?
McCoy - Rather bleak and dreary if you ask me.
Kirk - Spock, your analysis?
Spock - Interesting Captain. Those large and smaller street name signs are definitely not aesthetically satisfying. I find the colour combination very unfavourable. What function do these signs serve besides telling people the name of the street?
Kirk - City Hall staff claim they will attract shoppers and beautify the area.
McCoy - You're kidding us, right Jim.
Kirk - It's no joke Bones. Their purpose is to try to glamourize the zone and entice people to shop at the stores which I do admit are few and far between.
Spock - Extremely illogical Captain. We all know the objective of a sign is a notice or signal conveying information or an instruction.
McCoy - Dam it Spock...do you always have a strict interpretation on everything you say?
Kirk - Take it easy Bones.
Spock - I must also remark on many vacant properties and pedestrians are very scarce. I must also question on the few pedestrians we did notice were women standing on street corners staring at automobiles.
Bones - They're called prostitutes, you green blooded, pointed ear Vulcan.
Bones - Jim, can we leave now, please?
Kirk - Any other comments Spock?
Bones - For the love of God...you can discuss all this when we return to the ship.
Kirk - Bones, why are you so irritable today?
Bones - I told you, I have a lot of work to do in my lab.
Kirk - I remember you told me a few days ago you were all caught up with your lab work. Now Doctor, don't lie to your Captain. What's the real reason for your moodiness?
McCoy - If you must know I have a luncheon date with an ensign from the U.S.S. Puritan. She is a sight for sore eyes and because of this idiotic study we're performing. I'm already half and hour late. So please Jim, can we leave now?
Kirk - A couple of more minutes Bones, I promise. So again Mr. Spock, any other comments?
Spock- I was also curious on why many yellow plastic delineators and concrete planter boxes are situated on the curb lanes.
Kirk - The Superintendent of Traffic Engineering stated the reasoning for that project was to accommodate for patron parking and to improve pedestrian security and safety by restricting the movement of traffic...does that make sense to you Mr. Spock?
Spock - I find I'm repeating myself Captain. Extremely illogical and very senseless. The impression I'm receiving is the city aspires to annoy and irritate earthlings who drive internal combustion vehicles. It's highly irrational. It's very obvious this area has regressed since the last time we were here.
Kirk - Anything else Spock?
McCoy - Jim, please, I'm begging you.
Spock - No Captain, I've seen enough.
Kirk - This region will receive another failing grade of wasting tax payers money...again. Let's get out of here.
McCoy - Thank God, it's about time.
Kirk - Bones?
McCoy - Yes Jim.
Kirk - Have fun on your date.
McCoy - She's probably stood me up by now!
Kirk - If that's the case you can always dine with Spock.
Spock - I would enjoy that Doctor. You can enlighten me more on prostitutes. One thing does puzzle me though. I read prostitutes are also referred to as ladies of the night so these ladies on Barton Street can't be prostitutes.
Kirk - Why is that Spock?
Spock - Because it's only thirteen hundred hours.
McCoy - God, give me strength.
Kirk - Kirk to Enterprise.
Scotty - Scotty here Captain.
Kirk - Three to beam up Mr. Scott.
Scotty - Aye, aye Captain.
McCoy - Finally - I thought we'd never get the hell out of here.
I've mentioned in a few of my rants I enjoy reading the Mountain News. For those who don't know, it's a community newspaper catering to the 110,000 plus residents who live on Hamilton Mountain. I've discovered the articles are far more informative than the inferior, all ads, Hamilton Spectator rag especially when the subject is municipal politics. I had to laugh when I read an article in the Mountain News Aug. 10/17 titled, "10 more trespass tickets despite 214m (705 feet) of new fence and 30 signs."
The story was about Albion Falls (one of Hamilton's many waterfalls) which was making regular headlines all summer. It's located on Limeridge Road East and Mountain Brow Blvd. in Hamilton's east mountain. The height is 62.32 feet and the width is 59.04 feet. There has been two accidental deaths and numerous rescue calls there since July 2016.
So here we go again with City Hall's blundering and inadequate decisions. Their first choice was to install temporary orange fencing in front of warning signs before the "real" fencing was erected...and of course that didn't work...it's very flexible and easy to manipulate. I've seen pictures of the "real" fencing but decided to check things out for myself.
When I actually saw the fence with my own eyes it just reinforced my frustration to the people who "manage" this city. The fence the City Hall gang decided to use was a black frost fence that is six feet in height...now really, is that going to prevent any adventurous folks from entering the forbidden zone? The regime "thinking" as usual. The city also stated to combat those who hop fences or scoot under them, brush and branches have been used as barriers. How "creative and ingenious." We really have to ask ourselves what is this directorate thinking? If they really wanted to make life miserable for trespassers build a thirty, forty or fifty foot fence. Is that too difficult to comprehend?
I also noticed a wide variety of signs, which included, "Don't Climb Any Fencing" (now that's a real intimidating and threatening sign), "Stay On Marked Trails", "Danger Keep Out Steep Drop", "Use At Own Risk" and "Maximum Fine $10,000 No Public Access."
Getting back to the fence, I'm completely amazed and almost nauseated about the city's technical specifications for their enclosure. You could say I'm at a loss for words. Basically a fence serves two purposes; to keep people in and to keep people out. So, I still query the question, why didn't the City Hall's "brains" install a higher fence? They must realize people who have any athletic capacity whatsoever can very easily climb over a six foot fence.
Why not erect a fence such as the one at the Arrell Youth Center in Hamilton's east mountain. It's forty feet high and at the top there is another 4 feet of angular fencing facing inwards enclosing their basketball and tennis courts. Now that's a fence. Unless you're a gymnast, acrobat or ninja it would be extremely hard to climb that obstruction.
Emergency crews performed 25 rope rescues at Hamilton waterfalls in 2016. The recoveries are very time consuming and immobilizes Hamilton Emergency Services. Are the $10,000 trespassing tickets a solid prevention? it doesn't sound like it at the time I wrote this rant in late August 2017...time will tell.
Epilogue
Signage and fencing...more waste of tax payers money. It seems our over priced city administrators take utmost delight and pleasure in misusing and pissing away tax money...but then again, it's not their cash. The regime has no idea on how to hit a home run. They're happy to fly out in right field. Stay tuned folks. The foolish choices at Hamilton City Hall will continue.
The Harvenut Puritan Project
Editor's note:
Hughson N. - pre-conversion.
Speaking of pissing away tax money, has anyone noticed the latest stroke of genius from Hamilton's local government?
Hughson St. has been converted to two-way between Wilson and Barton. There is almost nothing on that street, and barely any traffic as it is, yet the city has somehow decided that the people of Hamilton would be best served by pissing even more dollars away on this useless project. How much do the new stoplights for southbound traffic cost? If anyone knows, please contact me.
Hughson N. - pre-conversion.
I can't help wondering what curious line of reasoning the city employed to justify this pointless waste of hardware and paint, not to mention the ongoing electricity bills and maintenance costs for the new lights. For anyone who has ever had to struggle to make ends meet, this egregious squandering of public funds is a spit in the face.
Hughson N. - pre-conversion.
The fuckers have also fucked up King William St. with the same communist driven ideology.
King William at Catherine, facing west. Two new stoplights have been installed here, at a cost of (I don't know) and for almost zero benefit to the people of Hamilton.
It should be obvious by now, to everyone but the most anti-industrial, anti-western, tree-hugging, and navigationally-challenged bicycle leftist activists, that the people who are supposedly in charge of "running" the city of Hamilton have bitten off much more than they can chew. Their limited vision, skills, insight, and talent, should be restricted to nothing more than sewage and garbage disposal.
Road building and maintenance is obviously not within their range of competence. I recommend that the streets of Hamilton be repaired immediately. Priority should be given to converting high demand streets, like John, James, and Wilson, back to their efficient, low idling, low congestion, no-nonsense, no BULLSHIT, one-way format. After that, their responsibilities should not go beyond street cleaning, and the odd patch of asphalt. Let the developers of new neighbourhoods build their roads in accordance with customer desires rather than regressive political ideologies.
I say we return to the days when Hamilton's slogan was "The Ambitious City." A time when the purpose of the roads was to move people to the places they wanted to go, quickly, safely, efficiently, and with a minimum of idling and atmospheric particulates from excessive and unnecessary brake dust generation.
August 6, 2013
The End
Puritan will return with "The Endless Maze"
Make Hamilton Great Again!
