Unexpected Pitfalls
It's beyond being bad, it's embarrassing - Barbara Turner (1936-2016)
It's a very embarrassing moment - Judy Jacobs (1957-)
Prelude
Embarrassment is an uncomfortable situation that occurs in people's lives and I'm willing to bet five will get you ten they would be quite willing to avoid. There are different degrees of feeling shameful and being a fool. I think it's safe to say a high majority of people have experienced at least one humiliating incident. It can happen to old and young alike. No one is exempt.
I must admit I've had more than enough sheepish phenomenon in my life but I recall four that I would really like to forget.
October 1971
Westmount High School Football Field
It was a warm autumn afternoon and my phys. ed. class was playing flag football outside. The only difference (at that time) between the two sports was each player had to wear pieces of vinyl that measured 12 inches long and 2 inches wide that would be tucked into the person's shorts at his hips. Instead of tackling the ball carrier the defense would remove the flag and the play would be whistled dead.
The quarterback pitched the ball to me and I ran a sweep. When my opponent removed my flag my face turned beet red. The "tackler" had ripped my blue gym shorts entirely off my body. To make matters more uneasy I was standing in my white underwear directly facing six girls who were wearing their blue bloomer style gym suits. As I remember they were really decent about the whole event. As far as my phys. ed. class went, let me just say you could hear the laughter blocks away. Everyone was in stitches even my teacher.
Since I played senior high school football I asked my teacher for the keys to the change room, ran to don my football pants and quickly returned to my flag football game. It didn't take me long to think it could have been a lot worse. I might not of been wearing underwear.
May 1979
The Aquarium Restaurant
It was my first date with a young lady I had been set up with by a friend. I was truly impressed with her. She was very attractive and had a lovely personality. I always had a taste for lobster (I still do) so I decided to order the seafood delight and she had prime rib.
Both of us enjoyed our meals and got to know each other better. When the bill arrived I was in shock. The check was a lot more than I expected and I was short s substantial amount of cash. Instantly anxiety entered my body asking will I be washing dishes in the kitchen? Finally I told her my dilemma. As it turned out she had a great sense of humour and didn't think it was a big deal. The lady paid the remainder of the tab. I honestly thought when it was time to ask her out again she would say no. As it turned out we continued to see each other months after my "Night At The Aquarium."
October 1984, 7:50 p.m.
North east corner Barton Street and Strathearne
I was involved in another blind date. This time a very good friend's wife had arranged a get together with her cousin who was visiting "Steel Town" for the weekend. She was a model and lived in Toronto. The instant I laid my eyes on her they almost popped out of their sockets. She was without a doubt a model, tall and drop-dead gorgeous. Anyway, the four of us had a few drinks at a bar but decided to leave the roadhouse to pursue another watering hole. As we made our way to my friend's car I felt an urge to release my bladder and tried to repel my natural bodily function but it was absolutely impossible. Seconds later I peed my pants. It wasn't just a dribble (I could've been so lucky) but a full load. To make matters worse I was wearing blue jean pants so the stain was quite visible. I approached my buddy, told him my predicament and asked him to drive me home. My embarrassment was overwhelming.
Within an hour there was a knock at my door and the trio were standing there holding adult beverages and munchies. They assured me it was too early to call it a night. When the evening finally came to a close the model and I ended up standing on my porch talking and I eventually asker her out for a date. I was amazed, she accepted my request.
The following Friday night I drove to Toronto and we had a nice dinner at a restaurant. Suddenly I had a gut feeling my future with this stunning beauty wasn't going to germinate. After our meal I drove the bombshell home. While we stood on her porch I asked the belle out on another date but this time she said no. I kind of expected that reply. We kissed goodnight never to see each other again.
As I drove back to the once "Ambitious City" I wasn't upset or hurt. For some odd reason I felt out of her league. Don't get me wrong, she wasn't conceited or full of herself. On the contrary, this lady was truly personable and down to earth. In other words she came across as a very open and moral person. What I'm trying to say is I probably couldn't deal with her lifestyle. However I can honestly say I dated a model.
November 2019
Hill Park Recreation Center
Throughout my life one of my favourite pastimes has been swimming. I consider it relaxing, a great stress reliever and an excellent form of exercise. My activity consisted of three times a week and twenty-five minutes a day. As usual I was standing on the pool deck waiting for the Water Fit group to finish. Just as the class ended and the participants started to leave the pool my swimming trunks dropped to my ankles. Within a blink of an eye I pulled them back up. You can imagine what was going through my mind. I was worried sick someone would make a complaint and I would charged with indecent exposure. Oddly enough there wasn't any repercussions. Luck was definitely on my side that day.
Epilogue
Life is full of surprises. Odds are in our favour sooner or later an uncomfortable event will happen in our lives. I look at it as Murphy's Law Principle. If anything can go wrong it will.
The End
The Harvenut Puritan Project Puritan will return with "Young and Hapless"
